90% of fatherhood is being present

I took this picture on Sunday the 17th while I was giving my 6 year old a right of passage (or was it a ceremonious 'rite' of passage). Any who. I gave the kid some dishes to wash. I was exploiting some elements of our child labor laws. You know the part where the little guys can't be put to work doing manual labor--reality shows, modeling, and the like are ok--except when they are doing chores for daddy. That's the exact wording of a public law somewhere. If not then it should be. Maybe I should run for office and become a law maker.

This past weekend was the two week anniversary of the first time my son was spanked. That was due to behavior at school that broke some rules. My little gut is a sweet guy. But oh how we all know that the raising of children presents challenges at every moment. I am not a big advocate of the use of corporal punishment. Maybe on another blog I'll discuss the examples of corporal punishment abuse that I experienced/witnessed as a child as well as redacted stories from the court system.

Horror stories aside I am not completely against it with these guidelines. 1. Always explain to your (emphasis YOUR) child the reason for punishment. 2. Do not spank when you are angry. 3. Do not use force. This is about punishment not being combative. If you can't figure out the difference between force and effective spanking then don't do it. 4. always reassure your child that you love him/her.

So two weeks prior to this picture my little guy got his first spanking ever for misbehaving in school. And it appeared to have cut down on the incidences. I only received two emails regarding his behavior. However, there was a significant one that came the day he was to be dropped off. It was big (in terms of big for a 6 year old without being indication of a future sociopath). To make matters worse parent teachers conference was coming up. He was nervous to come even though his mom told him to tell me his version. Take note that the first spanking took place after I gave him a chance to tell me what happened. Knowing that he was nervous, and the fact that I don't want corporal punishment to be the only way I get through to him, I decided I will give him every opportunity to talk to me using our time over the weekend.

Sunday afternoon in the midst of a fun filled weekend I got the bright idea to exploit child labor and see if I could get him to talk to me. And lo and behold he did. We bonded over washing and drying the containers that daddy (that would be me) takes his lunch to work in. He told me the details of the latest incident while putting folded clothes into drawers. He put on my hat and slippers,literally stepping into my shoes, while using the Swiffer on my floors. And what did I get besides the free labor? I got an opportunity to explain right and wrong to him and sneak in a disciplinary time out and the satisfaction of not choosing to spank him. He told his mom he wants to help with chores. So winners all around.

At parent teachers conference there were no surprises. One of his teachers did tell us that he pleaded for her to not tell us he was bad because in his words "my daddy spanks me if I am bad in school". Ms. C said it was a good thing for him to have that level of respect in the back of his head to help cut down on his bad behavior days. I am just glad that he knows that I am always there. Even when physically I am not.